Waddling Dog
Actually, I can't think of another title that would make any sense at all. I like to think I'm not a dog, but at this stage, anything's possible.
I am trying to forget about being pregnant, but it really is so all-consuming I cannot let it go. I'm sorry to inflict this on all of you; the other option is to quit blogging for a while, but then you would all think I'm in labour. So ignore me at will, please.
Yesterday I walked four blocks as fast as I could, and nothing. Today Mom and I are going shopping in hopes that a long drag around the mall will have some effect.
I am trying to forget about being pregnant, but it really is so all-consuming I cannot let it go. I'm sorry to inflict this on all of you; the other option is to quit blogging for a while, but then you would all think I'm in labour. So ignore me at will, please.
Yesterday I walked four blocks as fast as I could, and nothing. Today Mom and I are going shopping in hopes that a long drag around the mall will have some effect.
posted by Coco at 8:22 a.m.
58 Comments:
My advice?
Eat some really spicy Thai, then go for a shopping spree. Buy clothes that will fit you while you are prego.
Labor? within hours.
Have sex.
Hi, Rose! Did you have a good holiday?
Unfortunately, if I want spicy food I have to make it. The concept of Thai food has not reached backwoods Quebec.
On the other hand, Eric makes a mean spicy chicken.. I think I'll let him do that tonight. Good idea.
I can't buy any clothes, because a. Nothing in the maternity store fits me and b. I am broke. But I'll walk extra fast.
Doug is just waiting so I can win Monsty's baby pool.
*smooches*
Wanna change your vote, Nutzy?
I understand, Coco. I know this stage is the hardest. The only thing I can tell you, is that the baby will come.
(I should have blogged about the walrus and IM'd the support. Too late to flip flop, I guess.)
Play with your nipples. Actually don't do that cause it can bring labor on really fast and really hard, but not to do that without a doctor's supervision.
I always thought that would be funny to have a doctor or nurse play with your nipples.
The only effect (or is it affect) that the mall will have on you is frustration. I hate the mall.
Oh and Coco? One of my son's friend's mom is pregnant. She is due around about the same time you are. They will be inducing her on Monday if she doesn't go before then. Put some pressure on your doctor!!!
I never heard the "play with your nipples" one. My friend and his wife attempted to induce labor (or is it labour?) by having sex. I guess the baby doesn't like being repeatedly poked or something and just wants to escape from all that.
Yeah, walking is good, but so much effort! Try driving back and forth over a rough railroad crossing.
Also recommended is frequent, slam-bam, rough sex. And suction applied to your nipples. ("Playing" doesn't quite cut it.)
If nothing else all this is an amusing distraction, and you have to fugure out how to totally slam-bam while avoiding slamming the ginormous baby-bump.
Go ahead. Your mom will understand, lol.
Orgasms work too. If you masturbate it will help. The uterus will contract. Hey if it works quicker that way!
Zombs<===likes to listen to Swami
OMG Swami
I, I, I don't know what to say.
Why is the first time I've ever heard that playing with your nipples induces labour? Not that I've ever needed to know.
Bizarre LOL.
Zombs too?
This blog scares me
It's not too late to change your mind. One perfect son is enough.
I am so very, very sorry I opened this blog.
I have to go wash my brains out now.
Urk.
I thought you might like to know two things:
1. I am out of pity cookies.
2. I went to delete an old blog and I accidently (much to my deep dismay) deleted Lobstah Cam! Unfortunately, this means that your baby pool is completely gone. I know that sounds suspicious, but I assure you no money was exchanged what-so-ever. So for the moment, I am without a blog home.
Monsty, you need to recreate Lobstah Cam. Soon.
I walked for FOUR HOURS in the friggin' mall and not a single contraction did I get. This is a bloody joke. In my last weeks of work I would walk ten feet to the bathroom and have three contractions and now I waddle in and out of stores for FOUR HOURS and nothing.
I think the gods hate me.
I knew about the nipple stimulation; maybe I'll go and get my pump out.
Go visit work. That should do the trick.
Augie: I think a blow torch works best.
Bob <---did not mean to come back here.
Nipple stimulation is worse than Pitocin. So unless you want to bring it on fast and furious, I would strongly caution against it.
Plus, the longer you are preggy the more fun things I am finding for your little care parcel.
Nipple stimulation it is, just as soon as Eric gets back from the hardware store.
Monsty? Reblog tout de suite.
I figured you would ignore the part about pity cookies, but I am hurt that you care so little about the loss of Lobstah Cam!
I am serious about nipple stimulation. Don't do it.
Je n'ai pas le temps pour le faire maintenant. Ne t'en fais pas. Je le ferai bientot.
That last post was about reblogging. Not nipple stimulation. Though, I could see where one may get confused.
Only do nipple stimulaation under the care of doctor or nurse!
That is if you are pregnant. All others contine.
TMI ALERT
You guys are lucky the webcam wasn't on.
/TMI ALERT
*smug grin*
go four wheeling
i feel dirty now.
Coco? You will be stimulating after Eric returns from the hardware store? Exactly what is Eric getting at the hardware store?
Momma, he had all the necessary hardware components before he went. It was just a matter of taking advantage of the window when he was home and my mom went out for a ski.
Fifteen minutes. We'll see if it was well-spent.
I just choked on my Coca Cola, thank you.
It's a good thing I can't get pregnant cause after reading your pregnancy stories Coco, I'd be scared shitless!!
Well, if my goal is to yuck everyone out today, I'm certainly moving towards it at a respectable speed. :D
So did you stimulate to Harry Potter?
Monsty, do you really want to know the answer to that question, or are you trying to make Bob puke?
*SNORT* Monsty funny :-)
*whacks Nookie*
Where have you beeeeeeeeeeeeeeen?
*big smooch*
Well, I think it is obvious. You have scared a bunch of people away from your blog.
I was in Calgary where they were thankfully experiencing a Chinook so it was nice and warm :-)
Well, don't go to Calgary again, fercryinoutloud! We missed you!
*smooch*
I'm sorry, Nutty. I really am. And I'm trying to keep you entertained.
Trust me ... I don't go to Calgary because I want to LOL.
Bob like me! She really likes me!
If you are all trying to make me very scared of pregnancy, you are doing a lovely idea.
I'm just going to sit over here in the corner and ignore the talk about nipples and cry over the loss of Monsty's blog. :(
Bob like me! She really likes me!
this one is for Monsty's blog
/intentional double post
I'm going to pretend I did NOT hear monsty's comment. Ewwwww!
Hopefully the mall scares the baby out, coco! The mall always sends me into a state of shock.
Bob? The blow torch is for the blog, right?
Augie <---- accidently came back
Bugger all.
Walking, sex, nipple stimulation, spicy dinner.
Nope. Not a damn thing.
I am going to bed now. Wake me up when I'm in labour, will you?
We are about to deconstruct hobbits and sexuality on Bravie's blog. (Just a heads up. I know you have insight to share.)
Just got connected after a long day. I see you haven't had the baby yet.
You other ladies really ought to be ashamed. Making Coco do all the heavy lifting on the smut!
Shame on you. I can't believe the best smut is in the blog of a woman 9 months pregnant!
Sorry, Coco, I have no labour-inducing tips for you. :(
No post yet this morning? Does that mean Coco's in labour?
Maybe she is still stimulating...
No.
Post a Comment
<< Home